His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
