phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
