I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
