mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
