When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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