all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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