How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize