so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
