I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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