You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
