I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
