my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
