Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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