I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize