dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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