you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
