Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
