Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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