Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
