My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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