Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
