And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
