the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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