That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
