Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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