oh god the rape fog is back!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
