We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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