That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Still dying that you shit outside
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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