I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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