Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
