...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I believe in your delicious
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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