the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
