All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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