I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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