there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to calm my uterus...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
