You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
