My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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