I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
