i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
