I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
