my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize