But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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