Fine. I'll sleep in my office
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
