I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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