I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
