dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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