WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
soo... how was my night?
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