i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
