Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
