but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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