Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize