3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
