is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
