Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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