She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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