I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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