Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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