what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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