what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
